i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
