Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
