You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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