you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
