Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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