i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
