You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
