bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize