I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
