...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize