you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
