If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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