I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
