just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize