We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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