I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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