Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
