Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
