i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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