your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
soo... how was my night?
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