We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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