My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
