Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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