I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Are we still banned from the library?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
