Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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