he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
