Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
