I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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