OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Randomize
