I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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