Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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