Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
