the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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