you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I forgot wine drunk hurts
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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