He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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