sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
