this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
