I just made out with a guy for $7.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
