god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
