saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
