Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
