If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize