ya dads aren't the best wingmen
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
