nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
