I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
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