I just saw a hot homeless man
we're chasing vodka with high fives
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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