I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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