A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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