So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
