My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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