Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
