fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize