At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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