I wish I only lived at night.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
