No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
