upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
