i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
