is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
