Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
