Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think my fart just growled at me.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
