he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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