i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
