you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
false alarm. still invincible.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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