Midget sex pt 2 tonight
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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