Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
