Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
