I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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