This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
