You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize