dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
