Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
