Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
