I'm gonna have a badass scar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
His nipple licking is glorious
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
