i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
