I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
The adults are the big ones right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
